April 10, 2009

Mom's body is deteriorating quickly. In the last 24 hours we've gone from weeks left to days left. Her throat is so raw. The morphine has been tripled. But each time she has to swallow she grimaces. We will continue to increase it as needed. We are administering it every two hours. Since Thursday she has had little to drink and nothing to eat. Although, this evening her stomach was really bothering her and she asked for some Malt0Meal. We were surprised to watch her eat some bites of it and follow with milk. She coughs and sputters and works it down even with water.

She did get up a few times to the bathroom. She's very weak and needs to be carried or held up. Nausea is her companion each time. Otherwise she is in and out of coherence.

Some of this mental cloudiness is the morphine. It is keeping her as comfortable as can be expected. Some of the cloudiness/confusion is just the dying process. We've seen this since the beginning of the week before her throat became a problem and morphine had been increased. She's hovering between dream state and reality. Tuesday she was dreaming and talking to children. Today she cooked. It was really cute.

Her arms and hands are doing things as she's asleep. She was sorting something from one pile to another then scooping and gathering over to the side. She opened her eyes. Stacie asked what are you doing Mom? She said she was making scrambled eggs. Connie said, "Mom if you're in the kitchen can I make a request? I'd like a white cake with lemon filling." Mom closed her eyes and smiled.

She was stirring and stirring and Tim said, "Mom, are you making me a cake?" She said, "Not this time."

With her body starting the dying process now, we are removing all medications except for pain and comfort. Mom is not giving up. She will wake up and mention isn't it time for me to take this or that. I need to do this... She is still fighting. There hasn't been a conversation with her yet and sometimes it appears as if she understands why we are all there gathered and most of the time she is just cloudy and in and out.

Everyone but Tom is here now. He arrives tomorrow evening. We are anxious for him to get here. As we slowly gathered all day and each member arrived our family puzzle became complete and strength and comfort grew.