Dad had planned to go to church and share his testimony and gratitude to the members for all their support and love and for the luncheon. Dad said Saturday night was his worst yet. Sunday morning he was dreading going alone when Eddie showed up. They went together. It was a great experience. The Bishop was gone but had written a note to be read expressing his thanks for the many who helped put on the luncheon. Then he added a personal note about Mom and expressed some thoughts of her. From there, most who got up spoke about Mom. The Bishop counselor added his comments. The young man who has been bringing Mom the Sacrament each Sunday got up and spoke about the privilege of coming to see her weekly and the feelings and Spirit he felt with her. Dad said about 80% of the meeting was about Mom.
Later, some of the family ended up at Dad's. We watched the video once again but this time he paused it explaining some of the pictures or the stories behind them. There was a lot of inspiration that went into the making of it. We are so grateful to have it. Well, we are grateful Dad has it and we are holding out for a copy of our own. Dad said over and over, "This is a good day!"
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Saturday May 2, 2009
The events of this passed month continue to run through my head. So many good things, profound experiences and tender feelings that are not easily forgotten. The veil has been so thin and the Spirit strong. I find I want to hang on.
There has also been so much laughter when we are together. I just have to post the Tim story. Anyone who knows Tim will enjoy this.
Monday evening after the funeral many were gathered at Dad's. We were standing around the kitchen munching and mingling. It was the last night we had with those from out of town. Lindsey, Paul and Morgan were leaving that night. We just wanted to be together and soak in all of Randy and Coco's family we could as well as Mary's, Dee's and Tom's families.
Dad coaxed Mary to ask in front of the group what would happen to the leftover pharmacy Mom left. Dad reacted by going to the fridge and pulling down the box of gathered meds. He reached in and pulled out the bottle of morphine. He gave it to Tim and said, "I believe you had dibbs on this." Tim opened the bottle and emptied its entire contents in his mouth. There were many gasps and moans from the group. He swallowed a moment later when he recognized it was blue gatorade which was a perfect look alike. When the laughter and shock quieted I explained that Tom and Ty refilled it with gatorade and had left it for Dad to give Tim on his birthday (April 23rd). Dad forgot. Krista had heard about it and tipped Tim off and he was prepared to play along. His contingency plan was not to swallow it just in case.
He even got Connie who knew about the gatorade but thought it was still on the desk. She thought Dad had given him the brand new refill we received the night she passed. Good times.
There has also been so much laughter when we are together. I just have to post the Tim story. Anyone who knows Tim will enjoy this.
Monday evening after the funeral many were gathered at Dad's. We were standing around the kitchen munching and mingling. It was the last night we had with those from out of town. Lindsey, Paul and Morgan were leaving that night. We just wanted to be together and soak in all of Randy and Coco's family we could as well as Mary's, Dee's and Tom's families.
Dad coaxed Mary to ask in front of the group what would happen to the leftover pharmacy Mom left. Dad reacted by going to the fridge and pulling down the box of gathered meds. He reached in and pulled out the bottle of morphine. He gave it to Tim and said, "I believe you had dibbs on this." Tim opened the bottle and emptied its entire contents in his mouth. There were many gasps and moans from the group. He swallowed a moment later when he recognized it was blue gatorade which was a perfect look alike. When the laughter and shock quieted I explained that Tom and Ty refilled it with gatorade and had left it for Dad to give Tim on his birthday (April 23rd). Dad forgot. Krista had heard about it and tipped Tim off and he was prepared to play along. His contingency plan was not to swallow it just in case.
He even got Connie who knew about the gatorade but thought it was still on the desk. She thought Dad had given him the brand new refill we received the night she passed. Good times.
Thursday April 30, 2009
Today marks two weeks since Mom passed. Dad is ok. Nights are very difficult. He doesn't get much sleep. We continue to rally around him. Its as good for us as it is him being at the house. The video Eddie created is incredible and has really helped Dad out. In the last 3 days he's averaged 10 viewings a day give or take. He said he only had to watch it twice this morning to get himself going. It brings her back into the house and its just what he needs.
We start tomorrow clearing out the upstairs and going through Mom's things upstairs in preparation for Johns' family. They will be moving in next weekend. Its good to see Dad making a few changes to the house making it his own. For example, the knife set is back on the counter and the clock that is so loud and woke Mom is back up on the wall in his room. The bed spread and matching pillows help it to feel normal again like before Mom got sick.
We start tomorrow clearing out the upstairs and going through Mom's things upstairs in preparation for Johns' family. They will be moving in next weekend. Its good to see Dad making a few changes to the house making it his own. For example, the knife set is back on the counter and the clock that is so loud and woke Mom is back up on the wall in his room. The bed spread and matching pillows help it to feel normal again like before Mom got sick.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday April 27, 2009
We gave Mom a great send off. The funeral went very well. The Spirit was so strong from beginning to end. Her requests for more music than speaking was such a great idea. The music was wonderul. Each speaking part, from Dave's welcome to Pres. Peterson's inspired and personal touch seemed the perfect segway to the next. You would have thought we planned the talks. Really everyone had their topic and that was it. It turned out better than any of us had hoped and we feel that Mom was pleased. There was so much love and tender happiness around, undeniable strong feelings.
Bishop estimated that there were about 750-800 in attendance. So many dear friends, old and new, were there to give support and express love. It was very humbling.
Best part is that Eddie received permission to record it on video so that we can send it to family and Ecuadorian Missionaries that weren't able to attend.
After filling up at the luncheon (with delicious food) we visited with cousins and close friends. Eddie showed a video he put together of Mom. It is PERFECT! It just brought Mom right back to us. The majority of the crowd didn't leave until about 4 pm. We just didn't want the closeness to end.
Bishop estimated that there were about 750-800 in attendance. So many dear friends, old and new, were there to give support and express love. It was very humbling.
Best part is that Eddie received permission to record it on video so that we can send it to family and Ecuadorian Missionaries that weren't able to attend.
After filling up at the luncheon (with delicious food) we visited with cousins and close friends. Eddie showed a video he put together of Mom. It is PERFECT! It just brought Mom right back to us. The majority of the crowd didn't leave until about 4 pm. We just didn't want the closeness to end.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sleep did not come for Dad most of the night. He is resting now. That is good because by this afternoon Tom and his family will be here. Uncle Randy arrives this evening and Tim and family are coming to celebrate his birthday.
As the weekend approaches there are many emotions. Its been so busy that I don't think we would have been ready. The extra time has been good. On the other hand, with the weekend here some of us are feeling anxious and are not looking forward to it.
Its a week ago today that Mom passed.
As the weekend approaches there are many emotions. Its been so busy that I don't think we would have been ready. The extra time has been good. On the other hand, with the weekend here some of us are feeling anxious and are not looking forward to it.
Its a week ago today that Mom passed.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Dad received a phone call this morning from Franklin Romeo one of the visa waiters. His visa was denied. After waiting all day we heard from Omar Coronel, the other visa waiter. He was also denied. Needless to say, we are quite disappointed. They were not only treated rudely but really weren't even given audience.
Today the obituary was published and seeing it in print was sobering. While we're at the house busily making preparations for the weekend it just doesn't seem real. It feels as though Mom will get home any moment to join the hustle and bustle. The obituary brought the realization that she isn't coming home.
She is HOME. When we think of her we feel celebratory and happy. There is no doubt that she is well and so happy. She successfully completed her mission on the earth. Congratulations to her. We all hope we will do as well.
The difficulty is for those of us still here to not miss her too much and to watch Dad in those inevitable difficult moments where he longs to have her at his side. Today had many of those moments.
Today the obituary was published and seeing it in print was sobering. While we're at the house busily making preparations for the weekend it just doesn't seem real. It feels as though Mom will get home any moment to join the hustle and bustle. The obituary brought the realization that she isn't coming home.
She is HOME. When we think of her we feel celebratory and happy. There is no doubt that she is well and so happy. She successfully completed her mission on the earth. Congratulations to her. We all hope we will do as well.
The difficulty is for those of us still here to not miss her too much and to watch Dad in those inevitable difficult moments where he longs to have her at his side. Today had many of those moments.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Dad feels stronger each day. Last night was his first night alone (at his request.) He said it wasn't that big of an adjustment as some of us were there until after 11 pm and Mom would usually be asleep before him. He slept great without waking once. But, morning was very lonely. He spent the morning taking calls until he ate his 1 cup of 9 grain alone. By mid morning he had a welcomed crowd of girls and grandchildren. He is in good spirits and is his cheery self. He is so pleased with the casket we found.
We are trying to get caught up, get the house ready for guests and finish details for funeral so we can pull away as family arrives Thursday through the weekend. It will be good to be back together again. Randy is bringing his whole family. We are very excited about this.
Its fun to see all the pictures being gathered for the video.
We're also anxious to hear the news of visas tomorrow regarding our Ecuadorian friends.
We are trying to get caught up, get the house ready for guests and finish details for funeral so we can pull away as family arrives Thursday through the weekend. It will be good to be back together again. Randy is bringing his whole family. We are very excited about this.
Its fun to see all the pictures being gathered for the video.
We're also anxious to hear the news of visas tomorrow regarding our Ecuadorian friends.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Monday Cont.
We'd like to ask the family and anyone who is reading this blog to pray that visas will be granted to the 2 Ecuadorians trying to come up to the funeral. They were denied last week and have reapplied. Eddie has contacted a friend in McCain's office. We know the Lord can open the way but it may require some mighty prayer.
Thought we would pass along a conversation we had with our dear friend Bonnie (hospice manager.) We expressed our gratitude for her wealth of knowledge and experience that made Mom's last week very different if we had not had her guidance. She not only chose her best nurses to take care of Mom and inform us what to expect at each step of the dying process but she also gently led us into a comfort zone of caring for Mom ourselves with confidence and in a way Mom would have wanted. Bonnie was the one who suggested essential oils and that's where Janet stepped in and made an enormous difference. Because Janet was so successful at providing comfort to Mom's raw throat and an overall calming effect, Bonnie has taken note in hopes it may be used for other families. Words cannot express our gratitude.
On the other hand, Bonnie wanted us to know of our influence, especially Mom and Dad's on her staff. She said that two in particular have called to talk to her regarding their experience. Susan said she was quite nervous as she pulled up to the house with the 12 enormous cars but as she walked in the door she felt something. We were in the middle of our family meeting. Susan said one of the brothers made a comment (Steve) and she instantly loved us. She has talked with Bonnie about the influence and feelings she had when at the house and has mentioned she wishes she could visit again.
"Your mother has left her mark on Rose." Bonnie said Rose has been deeply touched as well and has commented on what a wonderful woman Connie was and how much love she felt in the home. She has tried to explain to Bonnie the "beautiful feelings" she had when visiting. She has talked to Bonnie about it as if trying to figure it out.
Bonnie thanked us for the missionary gift that Mom has given to these women. They have LDS families occassionaly that they take care of but this experience was very special for her and her staff. Bonnie's only regret is that she wasn't able to meet Mom in person.
Thought we would pass along a conversation we had with our dear friend Bonnie (hospice manager.) We expressed our gratitude for her wealth of knowledge and experience that made Mom's last week very different if we had not had her guidance. She not only chose her best nurses to take care of Mom and inform us what to expect at each step of the dying process but she also gently led us into a comfort zone of caring for Mom ourselves with confidence and in a way Mom would have wanted. Bonnie was the one who suggested essential oils and that's where Janet stepped in and made an enormous difference. Because Janet was so successful at providing comfort to Mom's raw throat and an overall calming effect, Bonnie has taken note in hopes it may be used for other families. Words cannot express our gratitude.
On the other hand, Bonnie wanted us to know of our influence, especially Mom and Dad's on her staff. She said that two in particular have called to talk to her regarding their experience. Susan said she was quite nervous as she pulled up to the house with the 12 enormous cars but as she walked in the door she felt something. We were in the middle of our family meeting. Susan said one of the brothers made a comment (Steve) and she instantly loved us. She has talked with Bonnie about the influence and feelings she had when at the house and has mentioned she wishes she could visit again.
"Your mother has left her mark on Rose." Bonnie said Rose has been deeply touched as well and has commented on what a wonderful woman Connie was and how much love she felt in the home. She has tried to explain to Bonnie the "beautiful feelings" she had when visiting. She has talked to Bonnie about it as if trying to figure it out.
Bonnie thanked us for the missionary gift that Mom has given to these women. They have LDS families occassionaly that they take care of but this experience was very special for her and her staff. Bonnie's only regret is that she wasn't able to meet Mom in person.
Monday, April 20, 2009
We found a beautiful casket for Mom. After we picked it out we were told its an original, custom made only for Bueler's. Isn't that fitting. Its wood with a hand carved flower trim, eyelet lining and pillow and antique brass handles.
10 of the 13 children (who are in town) and Dad went together. Connie and Steve warned us that going to choose the casket is rough. Just walking into the mortuary made it all seem very real again. They were wonderful. Its very comforting to have her being taken care of by LDS friends who knew and love her too.
Dad asked if he could see her. They were very accommodating. After all the business was done they took us to see her. We went into a very nice room where she was lying on a table with a quilt and pillow. It was reverent and emotional. Its hard to believe that she's really gone. I am grateful for worthy brothers with the Priesthood who standing nearby bring strength. Like the many doctors and nurses Mike from Bueler's commented on Mom's great hair. It did look fabulous. We still wanted to be together and be there for Dad so we went out for lunch before taking Dee to the airport.
10 of the 13 children (who are in town) and Dad went together. Connie and Steve warned us that going to choose the casket is rough. Just walking into the mortuary made it all seem very real again. They were wonderful. Its very comforting to have her being taken care of by LDS friends who knew and love her too.
Dad asked if he could see her. They were very accommodating. After all the business was done they took us to see her. We went into a very nice room where she was lying on a table with a quilt and pillow. It was reverent and emotional. Its hard to believe that she's really gone. I am grateful for worthy brothers with the Priesthood who standing nearby bring strength. Like the many doctors and nurses Mike from Bueler's commented on Mom's great hair. It did look fabulous. We still wanted to be together and be there for Dad so we went out for lunch before taking Dee to the airport.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Today has been a very good day. Many of us ended up over at Dad's to visit. The details of the funeral are coming together. We discovered that the Stake Center is actually on Lindsey and Frye (not Pecos.) Frye is 1/2 mile north of Pecos.
Dad spent some time making calls or returning calls and emails about Mom's passing. It was nice to see him enjoying old friends and reminiscing. I don't know how its possible to remember everyone. We sure hope the word is getting to those who would like to know. We're doing our best.
We felt much stronger today. I'm sure its because of many appreciated prayers.
Dad spent some time making calls or returning calls and emails about Mom's passing. It was nice to see him enjoying old friends and reminiscing. I don't know how its possible to remember everyone. We sure hope the word is getting to those who would like to know. We're doing our best.
We felt much stronger today. I'm sure its because of many appreciated prayers.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Saturday Cont.
As the day increased so did emotion. There is a Portuguese word that best portrays the mood. Saudades (so dodge ees) means more than just miss. Its more like longing memories. Today was filled with saudades for Mom especially by Dad. 55 years of companionship isn't easily adjusted.
Saturday April 18, 2009
We slept great. Probably the best and longest rest we've had in a week. However, Dad's night was long and restless. The morning has perked up as we ate our 9 grain and chatted. During breakfast Shane called with Andy (Elder Wright) on a conference call. They gave him the news about Mom's passing. Andy was strong and expressed his concern and love for Grandad. Dad cautioned Elder Andy to be on his best behavior because she will be watching.
The appointment at the funeral home is next week however the plans are solid now. The viewing is Sunday, April 26th, 6-8 pm at Bueler's. The funeral is Monday, April 27th, 10 am at the Greenfield Stake Center. Its on the corner of Lindsey and Frye.
The appointment at the funeral home is next week however the plans are solid now. The viewing is Sunday, April 26th, 6-8 pm at Bueler's. The funeral is Monday, April 27th, 10 am at the Greenfield Stake Center. Its on the corner of Lindsey and Frye.
Friday April 17,2009
We've been adjusting to Mom's absence. Last night the boys and Dee took Dad out for dinner. They had a good time. He hasn't been out much in the last 9 months. The group attempted to watch a movie but one by one the boys dropped off. Steve was the first to start the snoring chorus. Steve went home to snore himself to sleep and they finished the movie with the usual round of ice cream. Dad had a good time reminding them they sissied out during the movie.
Today has been good. At times the house was quiet and that's always more difficult. Linda came over and she and Dad made divinity. The test kitchen was alive again.
Mary walked in the door early evening. She drove over by herself for the weekend. It was a surprise to some. Dad was in resting and had left instructions to be awakened so we sent Mary in to wake him. Though groggy he was quite happy to see her. Some of the girls are going to stay the night. Eddie and Jack went back to their homes last night. They have been here day and night since Saturday. Dad assures us that he's fine and needs to make the adjustment sooner or later and tried to send us home. We sat up talking on his bed until midnight then called it a night.
Today has been good. At times the house was quiet and that's always more difficult. Linda came over and she and Dad made divinity. The test kitchen was alive again.
Mary walked in the door early evening. She drove over by herself for the weekend. It was a surprise to some. Dad was in resting and had left instructions to be awakened so we sent Mary in to wake him. Though groggy he was quite happy to see her. Some of the girls are going to stay the night. Eddie and Jack went back to their homes last night. They have been here day and night since Saturday. Dad assures us that he's fine and needs to make the adjustment sooner or later and tried to send us home. We sat up talking on his bed until midnight then called it a night.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Thursday April 16, 2009
Mom passed away last night about 3:26 am. It was quiet and private and just her style. As we prepared for bed last night she was breathing so shallow. She has been up and down so much in recent days we weren't sure what to think. We had family prayer with Dad and found our pillows. Connie and Dee left the room and were upstairs talking. At 3 am my alarm went off. It was time for medicine. I don't know that I did anything different but it only took 18 minutes instead of the usual 30 minutes to administer it. Unlike the other nights I didn't sit down to watch and assess her. I simply felt so tired and the desire to go right back to sleep.
At 3:20 Dee and Connie came into the room to sleep. I was lying there not quite deep into sleep. They wondered if Mom was breathing because it was so faint. It was decided that she was and Connie wondered if she needed to wake Dad. She felt not to but just go to sleep. Dee had some impressions and settled into her spot.
Dad woke up minutes later at 3:26 am and listened for a breath. Nothing. He got up to see and she had no pulse and no breath. He took her hand.
At 5:11 am Dee got up and asked Dad if she was breathing. That's when we all woke up to the conversation and he let us know she had passed. We decided to wake all the boys and call Steve and Linda who didn't stay last night but arrived quickly. We also called Tom and Mary. After piecing the events together there was discussion about the funeral as Tom and family were heading to the airport within a half hour. We knew Randy would be heading out soon too. The decision was made. Monday, April 27, 2009 and Dad notified Tom and Randy.
It was suggested that we have another family prayer of gratitude. Dad voiced beautifully our gratitude for answered prayers, peace, and events that have taken place. He also expressed how grateful we are for this amazing woman who loved us, taught and trained us and who we belong to forever. The reality of her peace and happiness and grand reunion she was experiencing was very real.
At 3:20 Dee and Connie came into the room to sleep. I was lying there not quite deep into sleep. They wondered if Mom was breathing because it was so faint. It was decided that she was and Connie wondered if she needed to wake Dad. She felt not to but just go to sleep. Dee had some impressions and settled into her spot.
Dad woke up minutes later at 3:26 am and listened for a breath. Nothing. He got up to see and she had no pulse and no breath. He took her hand.
At 5:11 am Dee got up and asked Dad if she was breathing. That's when we all woke up to the conversation and he let us know she had passed. We decided to wake all the boys and call Steve and Linda who didn't stay last night but arrived quickly. We also called Tom and Mary. After piecing the events together there was discussion about the funeral as Tom and family were heading to the airport within a half hour. We knew Randy would be heading out soon too. The decision was made. Monday, April 27, 2009 and Dad notified Tom and Randy.
It was suggested that we have another family prayer of gratitude. Dad voiced beautifully our gratitude for answered prayers, peace, and events that have taken place. He also expressed how grateful we are for this amazing woman who loved us, taught and trained us and who we belong to forever. The reality of her peace and happiness and grand reunion she was experiencing was very real.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Wednesday Cont.
The cake was perfect. Yellow cake with whipped cream frosting, sliced strawberries and a chocolate 55 on one and and chocolate heart on the other. It was a lot of work. Thank you to Terin and Stephanie who put in a lot of time on them. Eddie took pictures and video. Dad was surprised at first and he was touched. He went right over to Mom and gave her kisses. He told her that since she can't eat her piece of cake that he would have hers too.
Bonnie (Hospice Nurse Manager) who happens to be my (Betty) friend and in my ward called tonight. She has been checking on us throughout this process and has been a great support. She has been doing this for many years. As I gave her the update on Mom she gave some perspective. She said medically Mom should not be here with us. This is no longer a physical thing but spiritual. She said this is exactly why hospice is so careful to not give families a time frame for death because there are these situations like Mom that defy odds and that Heavenly Father is directing this situation. Mom is obviously having an impact to the end. We see it and are grateful for her influence. She asked if the family understood what a miracle it is that she is still here because really physically it makes no sense.
I shared with her some of the days events being their anniversary, and Randy coming tomorrow and some of the things Mom has reacted to even in her comatose state. Bonnie concurred and expressed what a privilege to be watching things happen with our family from the sideline.
Bonnie (Hospice Nurse Manager) who happens to be my (Betty) friend and in my ward called tonight. She has been checking on us throughout this process and has been a great support. She has been doing this for many years. As I gave her the update on Mom she gave some perspective. She said medically Mom should not be here with us. This is no longer a physical thing but spiritual. She said this is exactly why hospice is so careful to not give families a time frame for death because there are these situations like Mom that defy odds and that Heavenly Father is directing this situation. Mom is obviously having an impact to the end. We see it and are grateful for her influence. She asked if the family understood what a miracle it is that she is still here because really physically it makes no sense.
I shared with her some of the days events being their anniversary, and Randy coming tomorrow and some of the things Mom has reacted to even in her comatose state. Bonnie concurred and expressed what a privilege to be watching things happen with our family from the sideline.
Wednesday Later
Mom has stayed steady all day. It has been a good day. Dad came in and sat in his chair and commented how Mother seemed comfortable today and she looks so good. "To be honest I'm not sad to have her around today and to have you guys here. I don't want this to end."
What he doesn't know is some of Eddie's girls made Mom and Dad an anniversary cake. We'll all be back by 8 pm to have a little anniversary party and another sleep over.
What he doesn't know is some of Eddie's girls made Mom and Dad an anniversary cake. We'll all be back by 8 pm to have a little anniversary party and another sleep over.
Wednesday 4/15/09
Happy Anniversary to Mom and Dad! Today is their sealing anniversary.
Mom had a good night. She breathed slow and steady all night at about 5 breaths per minute. It was a good night. We all spent the night again except Stacie, Dave, Mary and Tom. Steve was up a few times checking on her. I think we are all sleeping with one ear open. Its nice to see she is comfortable.
This morning we dispursed as usual to take care of duties of the day with the intent to return as soon as possible. Its so hard to be away because we just can't concentrate.
By about 9:30 am she looks quite different and she dipped to 3-4 breaths per minute. Grandad recognizes from experience as a Bishop that she may go today. We gave her a mini bath and she is so cute. She looks and smells freshly showered and very peaceful. However, the activity perked her up and she's back breathing stronger and back to 6 per minute.
The roller coaster continues...
Mom had a good night. She breathed slow and steady all night at about 5 breaths per minute. It was a good night. We all spent the night again except Stacie, Dave, Mary and Tom. Steve was up a few times checking on her. I think we are all sleeping with one ear open. Its nice to see she is comfortable.
This morning we dispursed as usual to take care of duties of the day with the intent to return as soon as possible. Its so hard to be away because we just can't concentrate.
By about 9:30 am she looks quite different and she dipped to 3-4 breaths per minute. Grandad recognizes from experience as a Bishop that she may go today. We gave her a mini bath and she is so cute. She looks and smells freshly showered and very peaceful. However, the activity perked her up and she's back breathing stronger and back to 6 per minute.
The roller coaster continues...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Tuesday April 14, 2009
Today the nurse came by to check on Mom. She let us know that she is sleeping peaceful and she is hearing her surroundings. We hope she is enjoying having us around as much as we have loved being here. Our feelings are tender today. When I walked in Dad had some of Mom's things spread out on the bed. We are gathering things for the funeral and program. Tears are coming easy today. Of course lack of sleep isn't helping.
Her vitals are dropping again. They have dropped by half since this time yesterday.
Uncle Randy called and is anxious to come. He was going to wait but asked if he could come on Thursday as he originally planned before she started declining. We are very eager to have him.
Dad got a call from Ecuador. There is a group of their missionaries that are gathering today to collect money. They figure they can collect enough to send one. We are touched by their loyalty and love. Their sacrifices continue to humble us.
Her vitals are dropping again. They have dropped by half since this time yesterday.
Uncle Randy called and is anxious to come. He was going to wait but asked if he could come on Thursday as he originally planned before she started declining. We are very eager to have him.
Dad got a call from Ecuador. There is a group of their missionaries that are gathering today to collect money. They figure they can collect enough to send one. We are touched by their loyalty and love. Their sacrifices continue to humble us.
Monday 4/13/2009 cont.
Jane the nurse came by and said Mom's lungs are filling with fluid.
Mom got a sponge bath and a clean nightgown today with clean sheets. She loves that. Each of the boys commented on how good she looks as they arrived from work.
We've all made our way back today as we could. Her breathing is so labored and shallow. The house feels empty with Mary and Tom gone again. We eagerly wait for their return Thursday and Friday.
Eddie in true form walked in this afternoon calling Mom Lazarus.
Mom got a sponge bath and a clean nightgown today with clean sheets. She loves that. Each of the boys commented on how good she looks as they arrived from work.
We've all made our way back today as we could. Her breathing is so labored and shallow. The house feels empty with Mary and Tom gone again. We eagerly wait for their return Thursday and Friday.
Eddie in true form walked in this afternoon calling Mom Lazarus.
Sunday 4/12/2009 - 4/13/2009
Easter Sunday brought a new day of experience together. She was so weak. The hospice nurse called and came by. Her heart rate was quite high as if running a marathon. Her throat was quite raspy. We caught up on sleep and ate and spent the day together with Mom and Dad. We quickly gathered and started texting spouses. One by one they arrived until all who could were here.
We packed the bedroom and held our breath as we struggled to watch Dad at her bedside anticipate her passing. Dad started talking. He started with their wedding and continued on with their young married life and spoke for quite some time. It was very emotional and wonderful. Hours later, mom seemed to be stronger. Indeed, she was. Her heart rate increased and compensated for her failing body.
We bedded down for another sleep over and it was equally enjoyable especially for those who stayed up talking and sharing.
She made it through another night. Here it is Monday morning. Duties of work, children's schedules and Mary and Tom returning home feel heavy.
We packed the bedroom and held our breath as we struggled to watch Dad at her bedside anticipate her passing. Dad started talking. He started with their wedding and continued on with their young married life and spoke for quite some time. It was very emotional and wonderful. Hours later, mom seemed to be stronger. Indeed, she was. Her heart rate increased and compensated for her failing body.
We bedded down for another sleep over and it was equally enjoyable especially for those who stayed up talking and sharing.
She made it through another night. Here it is Monday morning. Duties of work, children's schedules and Mary and Tom returning home feel heavy.
Monday, April 13, 2009
April 11, 2009
Saturday was filled with grandchildren coming to visit and say their goodbyes. We really felt the Spirit grow as the day progressed. As we had been experiencing they too had a difficult time wanting to leave. We were getting a bit concerned how worn out she was becomming. We wanted her to still be coherent when Tom arrived. We reminded her all afternoon how much time before he would be here. She was constantly dreaming and not really waking up for much.
Tom did arrive and we all watched with anticipation as he entered the room. He bent over to hug her and said, "Hi Mom." She opened her eyes and replied, "Oh, Tom!" She came in and out for the next hour asking him questions and keeping up with the conversation as best she could. About an hour later she drifted into unconsciousness and hasn't awakened since. She really was waiting for him.
That night one by one each of decided we would stay the night. We have never done a siblings sleep over (or night) with just Mom and Dad. Stacie was born when Steve was on his mission and Steve, Connie and Linda were gone or married by the time Dave was born. To be adults and be together was wonderful. We laughed till our muscles hurt, we cried ourselves into headaches, got almost no sleep and experienced deep bonding. The Spirit was strong as we knelt together around Mom's bed just as we did growing up. Dad gave two beautiful family prayers.
Tom did arrive and we all watched with anticipation as he entered the room. He bent over to hug her and said, "Hi Mom." She opened her eyes and replied, "Oh, Tom!" She came in and out for the next hour asking him questions and keeping up with the conversation as best she could. About an hour later she drifted into unconsciousness and hasn't awakened since. She really was waiting for him.
That night one by one each of decided we would stay the night. We have never done a siblings sleep over (or night) with just Mom and Dad. Stacie was born when Steve was on his mission and Steve, Connie and Linda were gone or married by the time Dave was born. To be adults and be together was wonderful. We laughed till our muscles hurt, we cried ourselves into headaches, got almost no sleep and experienced deep bonding. The Spirit was strong as we knelt together around Mom's bed just as we did growing up. Dad gave two beautiful family prayers.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
We had a really good Hospice visit. After the nurse visited with mom and got some details of the last 24 hours all of us gathered into her bedroom and talked about what's going on and what to expect next. As she assessed her vital signs, she explained that her elevated heart rate is concerning because she is resting peacefully and not in pain. Then she carefully explained how the organs start to shut down and that mom's kidneys were failing. This would be accompanied by heavy dreaming and changes in her breathing (which we have already noticed). The timing is heavily affected by the will to live or die. I mentioned that the 13th sibling (Tom) was flying in tonight at 8:30pm and she said to keep telling her how many hours until he arrives. She has had family in and out all day. There have been lots of laughs and lots of tears. All can tell we are near the end.
Being one of the three children who lives out of town I have been praying that somehow all of us could be together at the end. I feel so grateful that it is working out this way and am grateful for the Lord's tender mercies.
Being one of the three children who lives out of town I have been praying that somehow all of us could be together at the end. I feel so grateful that it is working out this way and am grateful for the Lord's tender mercies.
April 11, 2009
The house was finally quiet by about ten o'clock last night. No one wanted to leave. Dave, Dee and I (Mary) were with Mom as she started throwing up. She heaved every ten to fifteen minutes for four and a half hours. We finally sent Dave home to his wife and new baby around midnight. At 2:30 am she vomited for the last time and settled into a deep sleep. Her demeanor is amazing. She even heaves gracefully.
She slept soundly until about 8:00am. Dad, Dee and I called and talked to Hospice early this morning. It was determined that because her digestive tract is not functioning well she was probably purging many days of food and liquid that have just been sitting in her stomach. She took a new pill right before bed that was prescribed to fight the thrush. It was probably the catalyst. Interestingly, what was a miserable night for her really was a blessing in disguise. Her stomach is much less distended this morning and she feels better. She is also responding well to the essential oils reflexology that Janet is doing. Hospice is coming by this morning to see what can be done to help her digestive tract function better.
She slept soundly until about 8:00am. Dad, Dee and I called and talked to Hospice early this morning. It was determined that because her digestive tract is not functioning well she was probably purging many days of food and liquid that have just been sitting in her stomach. She took a new pill right before bed that was prescribed to fight the thrush. It was probably the catalyst. Interestingly, what was a miserable night for her really was a blessing in disguise. Her stomach is much less distended this morning and she feels better. She is also responding well to the essential oils reflexology that Janet is doing. Hospice is coming by this morning to see what can be done to help her digestive tract function better.
April 10, 2009
Mom's body is deteriorating quickly. In the last 24 hours we've gone from weeks left to days left. Her throat is so raw. The morphine has been tripled. But each time she has to swallow she grimaces. We will continue to increase it as needed. We are administering it every two hours. Since Thursday she has had little to drink and nothing to eat. Although, this evening her stomach was really bothering her and she asked for some Malt0Meal. We were surprised to watch her eat some bites of it and follow with milk. She coughs and sputters and works it down even with water.
She did get up a few times to the bathroom. She's very weak and needs to be carried or held up. Nausea is her companion each time. Otherwise she is in and out of coherence.
Some of this mental cloudiness is the morphine. It is keeping her as comfortable as can be expected. Some of the cloudiness/confusion is just the dying process. We've seen this since the beginning of the week before her throat became a problem and morphine had been increased. She's hovering between dream state and reality. Tuesday she was dreaming and talking to children. Today she cooked. It was really cute.
Her arms and hands are doing things as she's asleep. She was sorting something from one pile to another then scooping and gathering over to the side. She opened her eyes. Stacie asked what are you doing Mom? She said she was making scrambled eggs. Connie said, "Mom if you're in the kitchen can I make a request? I'd like a white cake with lemon filling." Mom closed her eyes and smiled.
She was stirring and stirring and Tim said, "Mom, are you making me a cake?" She said, "Not this time."
With her body starting the dying process now, we are removing all medications except for pain and comfort. Mom is not giving up. She will wake up and mention isn't it time for me to take this or that. I need to do this... She is still fighting. There hasn't been a conversation with her yet and sometimes it appears as if she understands why we are all there gathered and most of the time she is just cloudy and in and out.
Everyone but Tom is here now. He arrives tomorrow evening. We are anxious for him to get here. As we slowly gathered all day and each member arrived our family puzzle became complete and strength and comfort grew.
She did get up a few times to the bathroom. She's very weak and needs to be carried or held up. Nausea is her companion each time. Otherwise she is in and out of coherence.
Some of this mental cloudiness is the morphine. It is keeping her as comfortable as can be expected. Some of the cloudiness/confusion is just the dying process. We've seen this since the beginning of the week before her throat became a problem and morphine had been increased. She's hovering between dream state and reality. Tuesday she was dreaming and talking to children. Today she cooked. It was really cute.
Her arms and hands are doing things as she's asleep. She was sorting something from one pile to another then scooping and gathering over to the side. She opened her eyes. Stacie asked what are you doing Mom? She said she was making scrambled eggs. Connie said, "Mom if you're in the kitchen can I make a request? I'd like a white cake with lemon filling." Mom closed her eyes and smiled.
She was stirring and stirring and Tim said, "Mom, are you making me a cake?" She said, "Not this time."
With her body starting the dying process now, we are removing all medications except for pain and comfort. Mom is not giving up. She will wake up and mention isn't it time for me to take this or that. I need to do this... She is still fighting. There hasn't been a conversation with her yet and sometimes it appears as if she understands why we are all there gathered and most of the time she is just cloudy and in and out.
Everyone but Tom is here now. He arrives tomorrow evening. We are anxious for him to get here. As we slowly gathered all day and each member arrived our family puzzle became complete and strength and comfort grew.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
04/09/09 Stacie part 2
Just a quick update on Mom. She has decided to up her dose of morphine each time she takes it. She took her new dose tonight and it seems to be taking the edge off. She is a little more groggy but told Betty she feels comfortable. Tomorrow Jane is going to start her on a Z-pack (antibiotic) for her throat. As I left this evening she was deciding on what sounded good to eat. She took a bite of macaroni salad and couldn't swallow it. She ended up drinking her third glass of Ovaltine for the day. Her appetite has been decreasing the past couple of weeks and not a whole lot sounds good to her. We are hoping she can get some good rest tonight and take the morphine throughout the night so she doesn't wake up feeling so awful.
Dee and part of her family have been here all week and unfortunately they go home this weekend. Its been so fun to have them here. Mary and Uncle Randy come next weekend to visit and we are all hoping Tom can work it out to come as well. We miss you guys, we love you and can't wait to see you!
04/09/09 - Stacie
I thought I would update the blog while I am here at Mom's. I think most of us are having a hard time doing anything else but going to hang out at Dad and Mom's house. Not only to spend time with Mom but to feel the strength of the family. When I come it is hard to leave. I am grateful for the love and friendships we have for each other. We have a good family. We have good parents.
We have seen a lot of changes in Mom the past week and a half. She continues to get weaker. Most of the day she is in and out of sleep. She is also showing signs of confusion. She woke up yesterday with a sore throat and cold sores. Jane (the nurse) came by to check on Mom and has her taking nystatin (medicine to treat thrush). We are not convinced that is what is causing the sore throat, but we will see if it gets any better. She has decided not to take any medicine for the cold sores (does that sound like Mom or what)? Today she has expressed her throat and arms are quite uncomfortable. We haven't convinced her yet to up the morphine a little bit. Betty is getting the okay with Jane as I type. When Mom feels like she needs or wants more we will be ready. She has definently hit a new level and we are trying to adjust to her needs.
The most concerning thing is her breathing pattern. Dee has been sleeping with Mom while she's here. In recent nights Dee has noticed irregular breathing and at times no breathing. This is mentioned in the hospice booklet. Last night Dee was unable to sleep and she timed Mom's Apnea (no breathing). She frequently will go 30-35 seconds then gasp to catch her breath then she's normal again until the next time. We reported this to Jane. She agreed that this is concerning. Dad mentioned that in the booklet it suggests when breathing becomes an issue we could be looking at a month or so left. Jane's response was Mom is deteriorating quickly and more than she lets on. It may not be that long.
We have seen a lot of changes in Mom the past week and a half. She continues to get weaker. Most of the day she is in and out of sleep. She is also showing signs of confusion. She woke up yesterday with a sore throat and cold sores. Jane (the nurse) came by to check on Mom and has her taking nystatin (medicine to treat thrush). We are not convinced that is what is causing the sore throat, but we will see if it gets any better. She has decided not to take any medicine for the cold sores (does that sound like Mom or what)? Today she has expressed her throat and arms are quite uncomfortable. We haven't convinced her yet to up the morphine a little bit. Betty is getting the okay with Jane as I type. When Mom feels like she needs or wants more we will be ready. She has definently hit a new level and we are trying to adjust to her needs.
The most concerning thing is her breathing pattern. Dee has been sleeping with Mom while she's here. In recent nights Dee has noticed irregular breathing and at times no breathing. This is mentioned in the hospice booklet. Last night Dee was unable to sleep and she timed Mom's Apnea (no breathing). She frequently will go 30-35 seconds then gasp to catch her breath then she's normal again until the next time. We reported this to Jane. She agreed that this is concerning. Dad mentioned that in the booklet it suggests when breathing becomes an issue we could be looking at a month or so left. Jane's response was Mom is deteriorating quickly and more than she lets on. It may not be that long.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
April 1, 2009
Sunday, 5 or 6 of us played hooky from church and ended up at mom's. It was enjoyable to be together. Randy's ears must have been burning because we talked about how we wished he were here and how much we enjoy his visits. We look forward to the time he can bring Coco and the girls.
The weekend was rough for mom. The vertigo was a bit better Monday and Tuesday. She is noticeably weaker and sicker. She's mostly groggy now and in and out. When she's awake or talking she seems herself. She's beginning to give up big meals and relying on mostly snacks now. She'll have an occasional half cup of food.
With Dad's urging she finally tried the morphine drops to help take more of the edge off from her arm pain. Ibuprofen isn't enough. She had nervous legs all night and thought it might be from the morhpine. The boys: Tim, Steve and Eddie were teasing her that its such a weak dose that they would have to drink the entire bottle to get a small buzz. The pharmacist confirmed the same. He said he's not aware of nervous legs being a side effect besides its such a small dose he'd be surprised that she would feel any effects at all.
Mom had some complications Tuesday night and felt really terrible. Its the first time she's not wanted any visitors. Of course, we were concerned and worried how she and Dad would fare the night. It wasn't the most restful for either of them but she's better today and they are catching up on sleep. When we asked Mom how she felt her response was, "I'm comfortable." Seems the morphine/ibuprofen are doing their job although she does not enjoy the groggy feeling.
The weekend was rough for mom. The vertigo was a bit better Monday and Tuesday. She is noticeably weaker and sicker. She's mostly groggy now and in and out. When she's awake or talking she seems herself. She's beginning to give up big meals and relying on mostly snacks now. She'll have an occasional half cup of food.
With Dad's urging she finally tried the morphine drops to help take more of the edge off from her arm pain. Ibuprofen isn't enough. She had nervous legs all night and thought it might be from the morhpine. The boys: Tim, Steve and Eddie were teasing her that its such a weak dose that they would have to drink the entire bottle to get a small buzz. The pharmacist confirmed the same. He said he's not aware of nervous legs being a side effect besides its such a small dose he'd be surprised that she would feel any effects at all.
Mom had some complications Tuesday night and felt really terrible. Its the first time she's not wanted any visitors. Of course, we were concerned and worried how she and Dad would fare the night. It wasn't the most restful for either of them but she's better today and they are catching up on sleep. When we asked Mom how she felt her response was, "I'm comfortable." Seems the morphine/ibuprofen are doing their job although she does not enjoy the groggy feeling.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
From Connie Barnette
Many thanks to Heidi, Jana and Eddie for hours of creating pages, selecting photos, entering recipes, gathering stories, creating the web page, proofing artwork and who knows what else. It’s not been an easy project but thank you for diligently seeing it through.
I also want to thank Dee Dee for the hours she spent proofing all these recipes with Mom. She did lots by phone from Utah and spent hours this week on the computer in Mom’s room while Mom mentally recreated dishes. Wednesday Dee was still in her PJ’s at bedtime and only ate dinner because a plate found its way to the computer table.
We owe all of you much gratitude; this cookbook will be a family treasure for generations.
Love Connie
Mom & Jane (hospice nurse)
This week has been eventful with Connie's brothers visiting. They have both gone home now and it was nice to have them here. Randy's visit seemed especially to end too quickly. We look forward to another visit soon. With all the visitors Connie became quite tired. Oh how she and I love the visits especially from the family.
Recently, one of the medications she was taking was doubled with hopes to help with pain in her arms. She experienced some side effects one of which made the room spin and the dizziness was only controlled by not moving, even her head in the slightest. The doctor discontinued that particular medication to see if the vertigo would diminish. Much to Connie's discontent the doctor wants to treat side effects with more medicine that cause more side effects. More medications have been added. Some have helped and others not. For now, the dizziness is better. She is not strong enough or steady enough to get up independently. She appears more weak and groggy and cat naps throughout the day. Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that the medicine is the culprit and perhaps this is the condition she is now in.
Jane, her hospice nurse, came by this morning. She was checking up on some of the orders she left last week. She enjoys coming and says she looks forward to her visits because Connie is her easiest patient. Like all other situations in Connie's life, she makes even dying from cancer look easy. Connie is passing through this trial with quiet dignity and enduring more than she lets on. Even Jane comments on it. Today she asked me if anyone has told Connie that she's sick yet.
Recently, one of the medications she was taking was doubled with hopes to help with pain in her arms. She experienced some side effects one of which made the room spin and the dizziness was only controlled by not moving, even her head in the slightest. The doctor discontinued that particular medication to see if the vertigo would diminish. Much to Connie's discontent the doctor wants to treat side effects with more medicine that cause more side effects. More medications have been added. Some have helped and others not. For now, the dizziness is better. She is not strong enough or steady enough to get up independently. She appears more weak and groggy and cat naps throughout the day. Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that the medicine is the culprit and perhaps this is the condition she is now in.
Jane, her hospice nurse, came by this morning. She was checking up on some of the orders she left last week. She enjoys coming and says she looks forward to her visits because Connie is her easiest patient. Like all other situations in Connie's life, she makes even dying from cancer look easy. Connie is passing through this trial with quiet dignity and enduring more than she lets on. Even Jane comments on it. Today she asked me if anyone has told Connie that she's sick yet.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)